35 Funny Tweets From Twitter Users Who Don't Want to Call it X (September 16, 2023)

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  • 01
    Organism - Josh Trebach, MD @jtrebach *in my apartment hiding from killer* Killer: once i find you i'm going to feed you to my poisonous snakes Me: *muffled yelling from cupboard* i think you mean venomous snakes 5:34 PM 2023-02-27 184K Views 6,730 Likes 702 Retweets 38 Quotes
  • 02
    Font - the silly & @mysillycomics no such thing as original art. you draw cats? that's kitty fan art. mountains and forests? landscape fan art. fashion? clothes fan art. if you draw ocs that's fan art of the guy that lives in your head 12:42 PM 2023-02-27 263K Views 17.3K Likes 2,806 Retweets 77 Quotes
  • 03
    Font - almond taylor-joy @jesterbestie it's amazing that there is one sitcom on television that shows the people of Philadelphia being wholesome and celebrating community and one sitcom that shows the people of Philadelphia to be the most depraved and deranged people alive 9:55 PM 2023-02-26 247K Views ... 7,064 Likes 570 Retweets 85 Quotes
  • 04
    Font - TMNT OF NATURAL RESOURCES Washington State Dept. of Natural... @waDNR Good morning to everyone except people who trample a meadow of rare flowers to get 12 likes on Instagram 12:51 PM 2023-02-28 36.9K Views 1,960 Likes 291 Retweets 13 Quotes
  • 05
    Organism - NATIONAL PARK SERVICE National Park Service @NatlParkService If you come across a bear, never push a slower friend down...even if you feel the friendship has run its course. 3:37 PM 2023-02-28 362K Views ● 10.6K Likes 1,620 Retweets 291 Quotes
  • 06
    Organism - Angelo Balassone @balangelo It's annoying little kids eat things like hummus, guac and sushi nowadays it's like maybe try a gusher sweetie 12:58 AM 2023-03-01 11K Views 11 Retweets 1 Quote 295 Likes
  • 07
    Font - Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42 Cop: Can you describe the man who stabbed you? Me: He kept going like this [stabbing motion] 1:34 AM - 2023-03-02-18.3K Views 112 Retweets 2 Quotes 457 Likes
  • 08
    Font - COME TO NIGHT Night Vale podcast @NightValeRadio [sponsored post] Want to eat better? Tired of breaking your teeth on rocks? Sick of feeling tired after only swallowing wind? Try food. Food: it's the best thing you can eat. 3:00 PM - 2023-03-02 4,579 Views ... 106 Retweets 3 Quotes 273 Likes
  • 09
    Font - Alison @American Hussy if you shoplift you're non buynary 3:30 PM 2023-03-02 2,328 Views 7 Retweets 84 Likes
  • 10
    Font - Eize Basa @Poncho Rebound [showing Arrested Development to my grandchildren] "Let me just pause it for a sec...you see, it's funny because back then $10 was a comical amount to pay for a banana." 12:13 PM 2023-03-02 4,873 Views 39 Retweets 1 Quote 257 Likes
  • 11
    Font - Royotathon @Royotathon "i was born in the wrong era" same. i could have been a doctor if only i'd been born when half the job was just dangling rocks over sick people to find out where their demon was. 5:24 PM 2023-03-02 630 Views ... 8 Retweets 30 Likes
  • 12
    Font - latke @latkedelrey guys.…..........….......... i just realized this emoji is two people hugging. i have really bad eyesight and i thought it was and i couldn't figure out why people were commenting a film camera on my sad posts. i thought it was a meme i missed and just never investigated it 4:29 PM 2023-03-02 510K Views 609 Retweets 230 Quotes 18.3K Likes
  • 13
    Font - Berwyn Choobs @sabatonfan69 *pointing at a little alien freak in Star Wars* look at that guy lol hes awesome My moms boyfriend: Ploon Scrooby? Of the yedlin 5 system? If you knew anything about PlooScroo & his backstory Imfao. Yo Dan, dude likes Ploon Scrooby His buddy Dan who's always at our house : lol 8:38 PM 2023-03-02 24.6K Views 133 Retweets 1,395 Likes
  • 14
    Font - oatmeal influencer @acechhh when your cat sits in a new, unexpected spot it should be breaking news on television 11:24 PM 2023-03-02 6,040 Views 10 Retweets 176 Likes
  • 15
    Organism - rax 'leads with her crotch' king @RaxKingIsDead need a name for the fallacy that's it turns out this didn't actually happen, but what does it say about our society that i believed it did' 9:47 AM 2023-03-02 779K Views . 827 Retweets 46 Quotes 15.7K Likes
  • 16
    Font - Arin Hanson, Arpeegees Wave 3 is... @egoraptor Look, you can just say "it's important to me that a human person made this thing." All this hogwash about how Al art is ugly... you care about people and that people make art. It's important to you. You've just never had to face that because it's always been a given until now. 2:07 PM 2023-03-03 403K Views 1,126 Retweets 209 Quotes 9,514 Likes
  • 17
    Font - TOM walker @tomwalkerisgood hell yeah. just inherited an empire of dirt 11:26 PM 2023-03-03 51.3K Views 183 Retweets 1 Quote 2,188 Likes ...
  • 18
    Font - salem @aWildSalem people really built a society with no third spaces, made it illegal or unsafe to be outside, and then blamed phone use for making teens depressed 11:06 AM 2023-03-02 3.6M Views 14.7K Retweets 563 Quotes 104K Likes
  • 19
    Font - Emily Dreyfuss @EmilyDreyfuss there's a kid annoying his exhausted mother in the row next to me on a small plane right now so I asked him, "Have you ever thought about how weird it is that sounds existed for billions of years before ears evolved to hear them?" and now he's looking quietly out the window. 1:01 PM 2023-03-03 85.6K Views 119 Retweets 9 Quotes 2,095 Likes
  • 20
    Organism - trash jones @jzux a relationship should be 50/50. you take me to the museum and i point at all the weird little guys in the paintings and say “that's you" 11:04 AM 2023-03-04 61.6K Views 435 Retweets 18 Quotes 3,601 Likes
  • 21
    World - Kurosaki Halle @HalleHeichou "30 is so old" you've only been here for 3 decades. In two of them, you weren't able to drink, rent a car, or be responsible for yourself. Please wake up. you are a FRESH flower in the garden of life. 3:34 PM 2023-03-03 211K Views 3,332 Retweets 154 Quotes 14K Likes
  • 22
    Font - lil stinker @superlameballs imagine a world where there's like 30 other guys who look exactly like you and you all go everywhere together and you're all constantly screaming.that's what being a crow is like. hard not to be jealous of that lifestyle... 1:54 PM 2023-03-04 92.1K Views ... 443 Retweets 23 Quotes 3,581 Likes
  • 23
    Font - michael @FilledwithUrine there should be a tummy ache hotline where you call them and say owwie oiwww owwww my tummy ahhhhh and they say damn man that sucks 12:08 AM 2023-03-05 39K Views 296 Retweets 8 Quotes 1,984 Likes
  • 24
    Font - three coffees and a nap guy @AynRandy If you are a stupid bug: • do not land on me • we come from different worlds ● • I will never wish to commune with you 8:04 PM 2023-03-04 62.2K Views 228 Retweets 14 Quotes 2,170 Likes
  • 25
    Font - Suzannah Rowntree @suzannahtweets jrr tolkien: I write literally every kind of character jrrt: this is Beren, he's a wifeguy jrrt: Tom Bombadil, a total mystery but he's also a wifeguy jrrt: Treebeard, former wifeguy jrrt: Samwise Gamgee, future wifeguy jrrt:... jrrt: Turin Turambar, wifeguy gone terribly wrong 7:20 AM 2023-03-04 223K Views 762 Retweets 33 Quotes 7,082 Likes
  • 26
    Font - Sooz Kempner @SoozUK Stop saying 2020 was three years ago, it was last year, you sound ridiculous. 1999 was almost ten years ago. The early-80s were fifteen years ago. I am 24. 6:23 AM 2023-03-05 70.9K Views 131 Retweets 12 Quotes 1,257 Likes
  • 27
    Mammal - audrey @saint_audrey the greatest challenge of a young woman's life can occur when it comes time to chose between a sweet or savory item at brunch 5:57 PM 2023-03-05 200K Views ... 814 Retweets 43 Quotes 8,529 Likes
  • 28
    Font - Charlie James @nonbinarycowboy getting bottom surgery (mermaid kind) 2:26 PM 2023-03-06 9,410 Views 37 Retweets 1 Quote 556 Likes
  • 29
    Font - Barra @ThatBmanGuy [TLOU if it was written by MCU writers] Joel: "Good thing we killed all those zombies Ellie" Ellie: "...um, Joel?" Joel: "There's one more behind me, right?" Ellie: *Nods* Joel: "Ah fu-" *Stranger kills last zombie* Nathan Drake: "Hey its me, Nathan Drake from Uncharted" 7:43 AM 2023-03-06 495K Views : 2,501 Retweets 140 Quotes 29.2K Likes
  • 30
    Font - DELEFONA WILDLIFE CONSERVATION Oklahoma Department of Wildlife... @OKWildlife Dept Your ancestors hunted mammoths with a spear, you can walk past a goose on the sidewalk. 10:19 AM 2023-03-07 72.4K Views 416 Retweets 131 Quotes 3,322 Likes
  • 31
    Font - Sam @samuel_lanier i'm the Michael Jordan of being in my room 4:49 PM 2023-03-06 36K Views . 164 Retweets 2 Quotes 1,228 Likes ...
  • 32
    Font - 10 WASE INT OF NATURAL RESOURCES Washington State Dept. of Natural... @waDNR Tried a new yoga pose today called dead and down wood where I just lay on the ground until someone picks me up and uses me in a campfire 11:36 AM 2023-03-07 4,749 Views 32 Retweets 2 Quotes 277 Likes
  • 33
    Font - Cullen Crawford @HelloCullen what if Shakespeare was named Creamo and we all had to talk about the great works of Creamo all the time 11:24 PM 2023-03-06 42.7K Views 88 Retweets 2 Quotes 955 Likes
  • 34
    Organism - lil stinker @superlameballs me: [stuck in terrible traffic, almost late for work] does any of this even matter? what's the point of it all? crow: [flying overhead, carrying a stick of pine] ah!! the perfect branch to pillow my beloved!!! i fly to her now!!!! 10:25 AM 2023-03-07 11.2K Views 75 Retweets 597 Likes
  • 35
    Organism - ape attack survivor @pissvortex it's so funny that Spaghetti Westerns are called that because they were directed by Italians. imagine if people started calling marvel movies Hamburger Shonen 3:05 PM 2023-03-07 314K Views 3,355 Retweets 128 Quotes 16.4K Likes

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